Yes, that's exactly how long I've been away from this space. Although I tried telling myself that I should be updating often, it was hard as procrastination always win in the fight.

So yep, 1 year & 3 months ain't a short time but neither was it too long. I have to say I'm thoroughly amazed at the amount of events that had happened over such a short period of time. But I got to say, some things I've learnt throughout this period had me growing up a lot.

In this period, I had learnt that..

1) Life is short, love hard.
Losing a loved one I had thought would be with me for many years to come was something unimaginable and so was the time leading up to it. When others had shared that 'life is short, treasure it', it really comes with a deep resonance that only one who had lost something or someone, can comprehend. It was tough, battling the lost, the acceptance, the regrets and tons of other emotions like a washing machine tumbling. Apart from the emotional aspect, it was also draining physically and mentally. Truth to be told, I really hope this is something I will never ever have to go through again in my life.

2) Letting go; those who says time heals all pain has never been in pain.
Leading from the point above, the time will come when you will have to learn to let go. Well, it really depends how deeply it meant to one. To some, letting go is an adjective to letting someone or something leave, but for me, letting go is a deeper level where you remove all emotional aspects related to what you had let go. Honestly, time heals no pain. It may dull it over time, but it can never heal completely. Just life how when you were cut, yeah, your skin heals but a scar will always be there. Till now, the pain is still as real as the first day.

3) Never expect to be appreciated nor reciprocated.
Previously, I have a talk with a friend and we got onto the topic on how some people had felt the need to be reciprocated for kindness given. I do have to admit that at times, I feel that my kindness was being taken advantaged of and I wanted to be appreciated for something good that I've done. Although it will be great to be appreciated and reciprocated when you have done something for someone, but don't expect the other party to do so. When you start creating the mindset to anticipate a return, you would end up feeling that every bit of kindness becomes transactional. And that, is not real kindness.

4) It's fine, being alone.
Some people hate being alone, like me years ago. It could be due to age, or changes in perception, but I've learnt that it's fine having meal alone, shopping alone and well, just being alone. As much as I appreciate and enjoy being with my friends who always brighten up my days, I do enjoy being alone with me, myself and I. It does feel like I'm dating myself when I go for a meal, shopping for someone when I shop with myself and I have to say, it's really fine to be alone. No doubt, it could be uncomfortable and weird at first, but after a while, you'll learn to enjoy it like I did! Also, you may just learn a little more about yourself by doing this.
Next on my list of being alone: Watching a movie by myself.

4 lessons I've learnt in a span of 15 months. Not just this 4 but many more so let's just say, the impactful 4. A good idea to have written it here, so I can always look back and remind myself repeatedly in the many years to come.